European Seeding Changes in full:

Man U's breathtaking proposals wow fans

Following the cogent arguments put forward by Manchester United officials as to why the top clubs should be allowed to win all of their games, the club's Managing Director has now provided more details for an expectant footballing world.

As David Gill explained: "No-one wants to see the top European teams getting knocked out even if they're not actually good enough to win. We want a fairer system that will see any club with a small turnover stopped from messing things up for the rest of us. Well just us actually."

How it will work:

*Initial draw for Champions League will be made in Manchester. Balls to be drawn by Sir Alex Ferguson behind closed doors.

*United to be allocated a position in Group G against the champions of Malta and San Marino and the runners-up from the Bosnian league.

*Due to "fixture congestion", all United's games will be played at Old Trafford. Away teams will be awarded 10 tickets in row HH of the Scoreboard End, subject to assurances that they will not be sold to anyone "loud".

*After finishing group runners-up, United will be top seeded for the last sixteen due to "their large fan base".

*They will then be entitled to pick who they play.

*The size of their victory will be decided by the Pools Panel.

*Manchester United can only be eliminated by Real Madrid or Chelsea, as they have more money.

"This is what the fans want to see: the richest clubs appearing the most times," explained Gill, who went on to express bafflement at the few adverse comments to his innovative proposal.

Future improvements proposed by Old Trafford are understood to include the automatic awarding of the trophy to the richest teams on a rota basis and the eventual abolition of the need to play at all. "It's the only way forward," said Gill. "At present, and despite our enormous merchandising revenues, we do occasionally lose. That's unacceptable. We need to concentrate on running our Far East megastore franchise and managing our players' image rights without worrying whether or not the referee's going to give us the two penalties per game our balance sheet merits."

Big clubs in 'bad loser' shock

Manchester United want the format of the Champions League changed to help more big clubs reach the last eight.

Of course they do.

For those of you landing from Mars, just take a guess as to whether Man Utd progressed to the last 8 of this seasons champions league.

Of course they didn't.

"AC Milan were discussing this before we played them, so it is not a knee-jerk reaction." said Utd's David Gill.

Of course you were.

He added: "It's not good for the big clubs, not good for TV and sponsors if there are no Spanish clubs in the quarter-finals."

Anyone see any mention of the word 'fan' in that sentence?

Of course you don't.

And some still wonder why Manchester United are so hated.

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger, whose side coincidentally also exited the competition at the first knockout phase, is another calling for changes.

He said: "You can't afford to have Real Madrid and Manchester United - big clubs who invest so much money - going out in the last 16."

No that's right Arsene, getting knocked out of a competition over two legs by a team who you were drawn to play at random is totally unfair. Why don't you draw attention to other clubs demise, whilst not mentioning your own and hope to get the rules changed because of it?

Oh, you have done.

And some still wonder why Arsenal are so hated.

Shame? What's shame?

Savage attack.

"You only hate Robbie Savage because he's Welsh" CJ's Welsh housemate says to me.

"Being Welsh is probably his only mitigating factor" I told him

Don't you just wish one week could go by without this toy dog chucking something out of his pram?

I do. If it isn't his convoluted way of getting a move from one club to another then he's retiring from international football because the manager has decided to try other players in his position.

So the manager doesn't like him, so he doesn't like the manager. We'd have all thought a lot more of him if he decided to roll his sleeves up, keep quiet and try and work his way back into the team. But no, he's off firing rounds off at anyone who'll listen.

Then he says that he's obviously the best player in his position for Wales and that he can't beleieve he can't get in above players playing in League 1 and 2. It's demeaning to the his team mates. He says he's had supportive phone calls from them. Yeah righto Robbie.

He's the type of person who gives footballers a bad name.